Already Friday? Again?
Today, my provider, Verizon has a new look. How exciting! It offers this as my Friday horoscope (Leo):
Responsibility can seem an awful lot like a four-letter word, especially these days. Haven't you done enough? Isn't there someone else who can help pick up the slack? Those are very good questions. However, you may not be able to answer them until you grit your teeth and simply soldier on through these next few tasks. Afterward, sit down and evaluate where you're putting your time and energy in your life -- and how you can alleviate some of the weight.
It should have said: "However, you may not be able to answer them as you are TOO DAMN BUSY doing laundry/feeding kids/cleaning up after them/attempting personal hygiene/potty training this child:"
And now, a question for you guys, my wise Blogger buddies who might still visit after a week of silence:
I would like to ask for any wise words regarding forgiveness. I have been royally hurt by someone and that person has written me a letter asking for forgiveness. I must say I appreciate this gesture. I have never been one to hold a grudge.
The action I can not easily forget, however. And the person is a relative, a bit removed from me. Can anyone provide any wisdom?
Responsibility can seem an awful lot like a four-letter word, especially these days. Haven't you done enough? Isn't there someone else who can help pick up the slack? Those are very good questions. However, you may not be able to answer them until you grit your teeth and simply soldier on through these next few tasks. Afterward, sit down and evaluate where you're putting your time and energy in your life -- and how you can alleviate some of the weight.
It should have said: "However, you may not be able to answer them as you are TOO DAMN BUSY doing laundry/feeding kids/cleaning up after them/attempting personal hygiene/potty training this child:"
And now, a question for you guys, my wise Blogger buddies who might still visit after a week of silence:
I would like to ask for any wise words regarding forgiveness. I have been royally hurt by someone and that person has written me a letter asking for forgiveness. I must say I appreciate this gesture. I have never been one to hold a grudge.
The action I can not easily forget, however. And the person is a relative, a bit removed from me. Can anyone provide any wisdom?
posted by cakeboom at
5:44 AM
14 Comments:
I was thinking, "Good grief, that horoscope sounds like it was meant for ME, too. Then I realized...DUH. I'm a Leo, too. No wonder we have so much in common. When's your birthday?
As for forgiveness...I find it much easier to forgive someone who has actually asked for forgiveness (as in your case) than someone who has hurt me badly and never admitted any wrongdoing (as in the case of my mother). However, - and this is just my opinion - I think the "rules" of forgiveness imply that you're not allowed to be mad about the wrongdoing anymore, once you've given forgiveness. So, if there's anything you want to say to that person, anything you need to get off your chest, - again, this is just me - I'd go ahead and get everything out on the table, let them know how I hurt, and then proceed with the forgiving part. I've had a couple of incidences (one recently, with a (formerly) very close friend), in which the person apologized, I accepted, and then I realized I still had some unresolved issues that I now feel I can't bring up. (But - again - that's just me.)
Oh!
P.S. (And please forgive me. I know I've already reached my maximum allowable comment-length for this entry.) -- That picture is SO cute. And the caption (Rockin' these diapers...potty schmotty)...TOO freakin' funny.)
My 2 cents: As far as forgiveness, I wouldn't view it as an "all-or-nothing". I'm not sure how bad the action was but if you're still reeling from it, you can be honest. Tell them you truly appreciate the gesture and don't like bearing a grudge. However, you're still working on your own feelings and hope someday to reach a point where this wont bother you anymore. Thank them for their letter and let them know it has helped you get closer to that endpoint.
I think forgiveness is often a process, especially the really hard cases. I also don't necessarily believe that forgiveness means forgetting. And it also doesn't mean you have to trust the person asking forgiveness again.
I still have a forgiveness issue that is still in the works for me, and has been for over 10 years. It's closer than it was then to being completely forgiven, and I have hope that it will be complete at some point.
One last thing; forgiving someone really does as much good for your heart as it does for the person you're forgiving...if not more. Forgiveness is not easy, but it would not be as valuable if it were.
I agree with everybody else. You can't forgive someone just because they ask, you need to feel it. The fact that they did ask for it is great. One of the books I'm reading talks a lot about forgiveness, how good it is for YOU to forgive someone else, so that you can heal from that and move on.
Hi Colleen
I agree with anonymous the others that it's a process and not like a light switch. Be honest about your feelings and where you're at right now - and where you'd like to be someday.
When I've been on the other side - asking for forgiveness, it has helped me when the person who would be potentially doing the forgiving understood how they felt and was able to tell me about it.
There's someone in my life who, when asked for forgiveness, immediately and repetitively attacks and blames and shames as a way of (I think) validating their feelings. Without actually telling others they felt hurt or angry, etc.
I'm someone who forgives pretty easily but I have trouble with the trust part. I don't know if that is really forgiveness or not. In some cases (where personal responsibility is vague), I have simply "accepted reality' and not thought about forgiveness at all.
I usually just accept it and immediately move on. I do not recommend this method. I am working on putting the step back in there where I feel something and then feel/work toward moving on after feeling something.
Sort of along the same lines as Pix, I think letting go of the anger and hurt is one thing and allowing that person back into your life and to what degree is another.
If this person is "toxic" then, when you reached a point of forgivness, it's ok to limit your exposure to them. You can love them and forgive them and still set firm boundaries for yourself.
Yeah, what they said.
;-)
Wow, comment pages like this make me so proud to be in this company of bloggers. Good and wise people; nothing here that I would disagree with. I would elaborate on what some have said, that forgiveness does not necessarily require reconciliation. I've been doing research on forgiveness for a while now, in hope of putting together a group on the topic. A couple of things that people have said, when asked to define forgiveness for them: It means letting go of any desire to make the other person pay in any way. It means relinquishing your "right" to tell others how that person harmed you, to put the other person down in that context. Those are just two interesting ideas that other people have offered and I haven't seen in any books that I've read. It is a very personal thing, how and when and why we forgive. To me, it is an act of the will more than of emotion. A decision one can make, even while there is still hurt present. What an interesting post! And a topic that everyone struggles with. I wish you peace with what you decide.
Hey Colleen - I haven't read comments yet, so sorry if this is repeating things, but...
I think if someone asks you to forgive them, you should. Really, forgiving them is all about you. Letting things go - in your head. It is good for you. That being said, you don't have to LIKE what happened, but if they asked you to forgive them and apologized, I think you should. And then keep an eye on them!! : ) Good Luck!
-Carol
ADORABLE FACE!! I want to kiss that face!!!
and as far as forgivness...i'm an Aries...I'm too lazy to hold a grudge.
Such great input. what more is there to say, really?
good luck with this, as this is a relative you may need to come to some kind of understanding about these circumstances, but go slowly.
Make sure the problem this oerson is apologizing for has been adressed, y'know?
MUAH col
this is my idea of drive-by blogging, by the way. Kinda visiting my faves like the lady who cruises down my street and flings the weekly papers out the window as she goes. AAAAARRRGGGGGHHHH school is almost out, dance is almost over...
oops, 5 minute computer time is over heh
um, oops, that was me
duh
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