Everybody should have friends like Tony and Carla. In the middle of a very long winter, when your skin is pasty white, dry, and flaky, you need a little Tony and Carla. When you realize that those crazy college years are long gone and you are forevermore the responsible parent, you pick up the phone and call 1-800-TONY.

They will come over and mix Absolut with weird, neon green energy drinks and tell you that it’s really good. It’s good because you’re such a lame-o fogey, it only takes three sips before it all rushes its herbal goodness to your mommified brain. Only five more sips until you’re belting out, “you’ve got the eyyyyyes of a stranger…” and “driver’s seat…ooo ooo ooo ooo, driver’s seat…”.
Tony and Carla will sit with you and eat dinner and encourage obnoxiously loud conversation in an otherwise nice little dinner setting.

After dinner, Tony will then drive his cute sporty Volvo like a kid on crack chased by the Man through some curvy back roads with the music turned up SO LOUD, you won’t hear anything for the rest of the weekend. He will push that car through the gears so quickly and take 25 mph curves at 60mph like such a pro that you can actually remember being 18 again, then remember you’re not 18 anymore and you may just puke up that nuclear camel piss after all.

It’s fun. Tony and Carla remind you of those reckless days of youth.
The next day, you are reminded why you can not do that shit anymore.